The thoughts that go through my head. I constantly beat myself up about not being skinny enough or pretty enough or smart enough. I honestly hate having pity parties for myself, I did this and I need to change it. I have just wanted to give up on life itself so many times. I might have a tough exterior but people have no idea how I actually feel inside. When people tell me Im pretty I wish I could believe it I wish people were attracted to me, Im just not the type of girl people date much less fall in love with. I’ve never actually had somebody in my life who put me on top of the world who made me feel like I was perfect for them I always felt like I had to do something extra to be pretty enough to be around them, so they would want to be with me and not be embarrassed to say I’m there girlfriend. Boys have no problem trying to have sex with me but when it comes to a relationship Im never good enough. I wish I didn’t feel this way I wish I could look in the mirror just one time and think wow I look good. I would love to be 12 again I didn’t care what people thought and now everyday its a constant battle to try to look perfect..I spend hours trying to look good for people who don’t even appreciate it I go to the gym everyday almost and eat right and i feel like nothing is working. All of my friends are so skinny and beautiful and all guys love them. I would love to the attention they get for 10 seconds just to know what it feels like to have a dozen guys wanting me at the same time. Im so glad I don’t have any of my friends following me on tumblr. So I can go back to faking a smile and listening to all there amazing boyfriend/girlfriend stories.

I really miss Kurt today i dont know why… This shit sucks.

I’m just going to cry and get over myself. 

ha bye.